Here’s the deal. I have been sitting on my thumb and massaging a novel for *cough* years. It has frustrated me to the highest level possible without my having to seek relief by gouging out my eyes. I’ve arranged blood and tear soaked chapters (my own) then re-arranged them because something wasn’t working. I’ve had to write for weeks/months more because rearranging causes t continuity to go to hell and never come back. You would think after all that, I would have learned something. Nope. I’ve rearranged the chapters twice since. Now, I want to pour gasoline and burn this manuscript to ashes. Kick it while it’s down! Show it who the boss is in this house. Yet, a part of me needs to finish this novel – because she has been like a lover. Both good and bad. I can’t throw her away.
To keep myself in a loving state of mind about my paper baby, I focused on my other problem. The dining room flesh table attached to my lower back. Sitting on my nice rump for *cough* years has caused me to spread in ways that some may find appealing…but I don’t. So I talked to my thumb and convinced it to pop out of the socket. Timorously, (its true) I requested an exercise partner on a message board. I know a few peeps that use the board – so don’t go rolling your finger in the air and making those crazy bird koo-koo noises.
Today was the day. She showed up in a good mood, energized and hauling zero tables. We began the jog. She zipped and zagged, I hobbled. To be fair, she did slow down when I started wheezing, hollering, foaming at the mouth – followed by my crawling in the mud and sobbing, “I’m dying.” We ran a few laps until I’d reached a point of sure death. Sweetly, she suggested we run one more lap. I had to. Otherwise I would never be able to live down the mud on my knees. Finally, we walked a lap – which suggested to me that we were done. No. She wanted one more lap. Bless. I ran one more.
Anxiety has been known to knock the wind out of my sails a time or four. It may look like procrastination or laziness to others, but it’s not. It’s anxiety. (I’m not counting the days it’s laziness). I wrote all of this to say that I really appreciated being helped with my anxiety today. Thank you. 🙂