December 2008

Many people make New Year resolutions. I don’t anymore. The only focus I have is to improve the quality of my relationship to myself. It has been tarnished and lacking for many years while I worked on loving others. The lesson I’ve learned is that I (we) can’t truly love others until I (we) learn to love ourselves.

Happy New Year to all my friends, supporters, and everyone else on the planet and throughout the Universe. Love yourself, then others around you. *group hug*

For those of you who want to read a great blog about bringing in the New Year, read Tim Valentine’s, An Overactive Mind:Part 2
Once you read part two, you’ll have to read one and three as well.

*another group hug*


Today was not a good day for me, what with the general holiday gloom and doom, having my trust broken by someone I’ve loved completely for years and just the general woe is me life sucks feeling. By 6pm I felt better and started thinking humans aren’t so bad after all. What a lovely thought.

So, I went to an Anthology launch to hear my good friend David read his marvelous short story – that was included in the Anthology. When I got on the tube it was crowded. Feeling very vulnerable from the day, I pulled my inner space in and wrapped it tightly around me. Wouldn’t you know that it would be my luck to get the tube pervy guy standing next to me. As he pressed his body against mine like a second skin, I knew I had to find a way to get some air between us. I raised my arm so that he would press into my elbow while he was enjoying my back and my ass. He had the nerve to get pissed off. He yelled at me to remove my elbow. Here I am being polite and not trying to cause a scene about a large man practically pushing his pod into my cheeks and he is loudly demanding that I remove my elbow. I glared at him and he glared back, expecting me to tuck down and cower. We both knew that no matter what happened, no one on the tube would step in to help me. Life in the big city. It’s like that.

As I glared at his threatening face, he yelled even louder for me to ‘turn around’. He yelled his command at me three times. I guess I was supposed to give him my rear curves again. Frankly, I was scared he was going to punch me but I am no man’s bitch. I refuse to whimper and bend over. If he punches me, we’ll have to go from there. My brave response was, “You turn around! Who put you in charge?” Though I did not turn around, I did drop direct eye contact. I’m not stupid. I remembered the Dog Whisperer saying that when you meet a dog – don’t look, don’t touch, don’t talk. I figured maybe the ‘don’t look him in the eye’ was one I should work with. So we stood there at our standoff for two stops. When he got off, I muttered ‘bastard.’

I’m never in the mood to be assaulted by privileged, violent, heterosexual males – or anyone else. I wish there were a thousand Xena’s around that would have stomped him into a bloody pulp and told him to never harass and intimidate another woman. I wish I were Xena.

 I am not a fan of this season, full of reckless spending and depressed people. I’m also not at liberty to moan about personal things – so just imagine that you’re starving and the only thing available is death warmed over on a piece of toast.  (I’m a double Leo and drama is my friend)

On the positive side, my rewrites are coming along.  By George and dag-nabbit.  The labor is slow but a book is being born.  

All I need now is a fairy wearing glittery pointy shoes and a red mini-skirt to come over, wave a magic wand and bring me some good cheer.  Meanwhile,

Happy Holidays to ALL.  And I mean it.    🙂

*opens door  for fairies*