My sister said this to me. “You hate men and you are always trying to force your gayness on us. Your other two sisters think the same way about you.”
Today was the fourth of July and the date of our family reunion and I didn’t go. My family thinks it’s because I don’t love them enough. Instead, I spent the day with three lesbian friends, having dinner and being accepted just as I am. A person who wasn’t a shadow of herself. A person who shared aspects of her life even though it included *gasp* gay people. A person know by many as somebody good and decent – instead of that ugly thing the church whispers in my family’s ears.
My sister responded in this way because I informed her that our niece, Cathy had told me she was gay. This niece is presently attending a religious school, in the closet, and is surrounded by other religious closeted people who behave in atrociously unhealthy ways, including violence. Besides wanting to show her gay people who don’t t live as if they’re abominations, I was glad of the opportunity to share of myself with a family member.
I told my sister I would let my niece accompany me to a few upscale places, thinking it was a good thing. The amount of nasty that came heaving out of her mouth surprised me. She claimed she was only being honest. Her words: “Cathy is lying. She is not gay and is only saying that because she knows that you are and wants to get attention.” This was followed by words that meant that I would apparently teach my niece to hate men and force being a lesbian on her.
To say her words hurt is an understatement.
Today was Gay Independence Day from my family. There will be no more longing for what will never be.
July 5, 2009 at 8:48 am
It is so hurtful when family members do not see us and value us for who we are. Especially when we come from very family oriented cultures. Although it must have been painful. I think you made the right choice.
Thanks for stopping by, Campbellx. *hums the song – ‘You know just how I feel’*
July 5, 2009 at 3:41 pm
If you need a man friend who feels unhated to vouch for you to your sis, you can count on me. I doubt it would help much though. That really sucks. I’m sorry.
Hey Dougie, *waves* People are entitled to think whatever they want, including family. If she needs to believe I’m a man hater than so be it. I was tired of wearing a halo anyway. *throws halo in trash*
July 5, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Wow. It hurts. I’m sorry
Hello fche. Thanks for the sentiment. It does my drama queen heart some good.
July 6, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Well you already know I gotcha back. I absolutely do not understand how people can’t understand why we should love and appreciate people for who they are and not what we want them to be.
I would love for everyone to do what I want and be what I want them to be, but I’m not God. Plus if I remember correctly God gave us Free Will. I also remember his son telling people to love. Hold on I got one more. I also remember something written that God is no respecter of persons. I’m sorry I had to go there for a moment, I’m back now.
Well you always got a friend with me. The only relationship that should matter is the one we have with each other instead of worrying about who loves who.
Anyway. I miss you. You haven’t email or text me for awhile. I’m beginning to feel lonely.
awwww, Tim. When you read my blog on what I’ve had to do about condo repairs and getting the board to even hear my complaint, you will understand why I haven’t been able to participate in anything else. Don’t worry, I’ll be back out for conversation soon. Cheers.
July 6, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Wow family can be the ones who inflict the most pain.I feel bad for your neice for hiding who she is…and think she was turned by a big bad lesbian…
I think thats why many people avoid family.
July 7, 2009 at 9:13 am
Dear Steadycat,
Tough, and I’m sorry. You know what I think though. Families are just people. Yours loves you but not always wisely, and not in the ways you deserve. Your baby sis never had to live a day in your shoes, whereas you made it your business to ease her path often, as older sisters do. Although she may never get on a gay float with you, there are hundreds of facets of your life that you had/have in common and that you can enjoy. Like your nephew. Like a garden cocktail in your garden.
Family do’s are notoriously fake for everyone but there are other ways and times for connecting. I hope you won’t lose your ties to your family and will find a way to make her accept this part of you. x
Hello and thanks for stopping by. I don’t plan on losing all family ties but I have finally dropped the hope for participating in a fairy tale ending. Reality is the way forward for me.
July 7, 2009 at 11:25 am
Hi Steadycat,
I was shocked reading what your sister said, though I know I shouldn’t be as people can say the most heinous and hurtful things.
May I ask if your family still keep in close contact with you and whether they enjoy your company when you see them?
I am impressed by how strong you are without being bitter. Not an easy task.
xK
The thing about my sister is….she doesn’t think what she said is bad. She thinks she is merely being honest. Somehow, the unfairness of what is being said never registers. She has used this same statement for at least 30 years. This sister does enjoy my company, and so does the rest of my family – when I’m not acting up. I’ve had this type of honest love all my life. I can’t be bitter. Thankfully, my parents always took up for me when my siblings tell their version of truth about my gayness. The truth is, they love the best way they can and I don’t need to be around it that often. I invited my niece over and we had a good time eating pizza and watching videos all day. I’m glad I did it.
July 7, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Wow, my internet connection has been nearly unusable since I’ve been here, so I’m behind, did not know you’d gone through this. My condolences, but I gotta say I’m glad it’s done and that you can now move forward in your mind and heart.
XX
Hello there. I’m glad we finally got a chance to say hello in person. Thanks for your words.
July 8, 2009 at 3:24 am
My emotions fluctuated between anger and hurt as I read this post. No matter how family feels…they are still family. If I could take the “sting” on the hurtful words you heard…I’d do it. (After all, I have that ‘magic wand’ you gave me…lol)
This note has heaps of (((hugs))) enclosed!
Hi, Michelle and thank you. x
July 14, 2009 at 2:26 am
Oh my Steady. First let me give you a hug: ***HUG***.
I wish I didn’t have a clue what you’re going through but I’ve heard the mean stuff too. From my mother, aunts, cousins, you name it. My solution was to get away from them too. That’s not easy but sometimes you have to separate yourself from unhealthy relationships. Having a loving relationship is really helping me and like you I’m building a lesbian family.
Hang in there.
Hello Monie. Thanks for the hug. I’ve been around for awhile so I’ve heard it all many times. It hurts for a week and then you move on. I’ve perfected doing just that.